Upsideclown
UpsideclownSlogan

 

* 200 articles. Two years. Whelk. The best of Upsideclown. Might be reprinted.

Spam quartet

25 February 2002
100% genuine Matt.

ASTOUNDING FREE OFFER!

Dear Friend,

You deserve a larger penis in your life.

Have you ever wished for larger sex organs? NO surgery, NO medication, NO tax, NO cost. Our FREE course will involve YOU, your PROGENY, and your DESCENDENTS in a genetic arms-race of primary sexual characteristics on a currently unpopulated Polynesian island.

Simply by manipulating social preferences for the characteristics of beauty, CHEAP and EFFECTIVE evolution will provoke a HEALTHY and NATURAL response towards larger penises within only 1000 generations.....

.....guaranteed or 100% of your money back!!

Our patent-pending methods are second-to-none! Click here and Take Action Now.

ASTOUNDING FREE OFFER!

- Special offers Today only -

We are the the Premier suppliers of discount absolution from sin in the Western Hemisphere! Please forward this E-Mail to the person responsible for dealing with your laser toner cartridge supplies.

* * *

Express Forgiveness Center - all applications approved!

MURDERERS: We can't help you to avoid executions for your crimes, but we can GUARANTEE false hopes and empty promises of life-beyond-life as long as you sign up to our FREE PROGRAM.

HOMEOWNERS: Involved in a capitalist system of accumulating wealth and property to the detriment of those less fortunate? Lie and cheat every day just so you can feed your family, but don't think the system is unusual because of the brainwashing you went through during infant socialisation? Perpetuating the patriarchal society, devaluing free thought, and only allowing a twisted sort of tolerance to cross your mind? THANKS!!

NON HOMEOWNERS: We can help.

Remember that by Clicking on This Link you are agreeing to Eternal Life and Freedom from Original Sin. If you do not wish to receive further mailings, then sorry, you're out of luck.

ASTOUNDING FREE OFFER!

Work from home?? Need a rewarding second job?? This is the only job you need! Make $$$s from your front room!

Or your back room! Or your bathroom! It doesn't matter!

Send for our FREE report, "Domesticating Wildlife for Fun and Profit" and learn how you could "Easily" make $1000 to $70000 per month, every month.

"Barely two weeks after receiving my FREE report, I was already on Step 3 of the Twelve Step Guide to Domesticating Wildlife" -- Mrs B, London

Mrs B is just one of our satisfied customers, and her own BOSS. When she began farming woodlice in 1999 she was a destitute aging whore in the suburbs of the metropolis. Now she has

* a thriving insect ranch of 80 MILLION head of domestic lice!

* a turnover of 1kg meat, daily!

* control of her own DESTINY!

When she completes Step 12 of the Guide, the woodlice will have evolved to be the size of pigs, and capable SYMBIOTICALLY SURVIVING WITH and supporting a full CIVILISATION of SETTLED NOMADS and the beginnings of a BRONZE-AGE SOCIETY! (warning, Step 12 may take six thousand years and a favourable climate to complete.)

Also look out for our supplementary report, "Nuts, Berries, Primitive Hunter-Gathering and YOU" available now. Click Here for more.

ASTOUNDING FREE OFFER!

This is not spam. If this were spam, I'd be offering you XXX redhot Asian Babes in Barnyard Spunk Action. Actually they're not Asian at all, they're Barely-Legal Teens, spread-legged For Your Pleasure, and Wet just for you.

Which is annoying, because I'm sure that secretly you really quite need laser printer toner cartridges.

 

 
This is the fucking archive

Current clown:

18 December 2003. George writes: This List

Most recent ten:

15 December 2003. Jamie writes: Seven Songs
11 December 2003. Dan writes: Spinning Jenny
8 December 2003. Victor writes: Rock Opera
4 December 2003. Matt writes: The Mirrored Spheres of Patagonia
1 December 2003. George writes: Charm
27 November 2003. James writes: On Boxing
24 November 2003. Jamie writes: El Matador del Amor; Or, the Man who Killed Love
20 November 2003. Dan writes: Rights Management
17 November 2003. Victor writes: Walking on Yellow
13 November 2003. Matt writes: Disintermediation
(And alas we lost Neil, who last wrote Cockfosters)

Also by this clown:

4 December 2003. Matt writes: The Mirrored Spheres of Patagonia
13 November 2003. Matt writes: Disintermediation
23 October 2003. Matt writes: Topology
2 October 2003. Matt writes: Haunted
8 September 2003. Matt writes: The Gardener's Diary
21 August 2003. Matt writes: The Starling Variable
31 July 2003. Matt writes: Two stories
14 July 2003. Matt writes: What is real?
23 June 2003. Matt writes: Mapping and journeys
29 May 2003. Matt writes: Extelligence
5 May 2003. Matt writes: Religious experiences
17 April 2003. Matt writes: Seeing the Light
27 March 2003. Matt writes: Flowering
10 March 2003. Matt writes: Climax state
10 February 2003. Matt writes: The Role of Cooperation in Human Interaction
20 January 2003. Matt writes: The same old subroutine
2 January 2003. Matt writes: New beginnings
9 December 2002. Matt writes: Packet Loss
18 November 2002. Matt writes: Wonderland
31 October 2002. Matt writes: Having and losing
10 October 2002. Matt writes: Trees of Knowledge
19 September 2002. Matt writes: The online life of bigplaty47
29 August 2002. Matt writes: Divorce
8 August 2002. Matt writes: How to get exactly what you want
18 July 2002. Matt writes: Eleven Graceland endings
27 June 2002. Matt writes: Listopad, Prague 1989
3 June 2002. Matt writes: Engram bullets
6 May 2002. Matt writes: Sound advice
15 April 2002. Matt writes: How it all works: Cars
21 March 2002. Matt writes: Proceeding to the next stage
25 February 2002. Matt writes: Spam quartet
31 January 2002. Matt writes: Person to person
7 January 2002. Matt writes: All for the best
13 December 2001. Matt writes: Life
19 November 2001. Matt writes: Giving is better than receiving
25 October 2001. Matt writes: Ludo
1 October 2001. Matt writes: Gifts, contracts, and whispers
6 September 2001. Matt writes: The world is ending
13 August 2001. Matt writes: The Church of Mrs Bins
16 July 2001. Matt writes: Things I Don't Have
25 June 2001. Matt writes: Fighting the Good Fight
31 May 2001. Matt writes: Code dependency
7 May 2001. Matt writes: Up The Arse, Or Not At All
5 April 2001. Matt writes: The increasing nonlinearity of time
19 March 2001. Matt writes: Hit Me Baby, One More Time
22 February 2001. Matt writes: Space, Matter, Cities, Sausages
29 January 2001. Matt writes: Truth in Advertising
1 January 2001. Matt writes: Six predictions for tomorrow
7 December 2000. Matt writes: You must reach this line to ride
16 November 2000. Matt writes: The truth about the leopard
23 October 2000. Matt writes: Shopping mauls
28 September 2000. Matt writes: Heavy traffic on the road to Utopia
4 September 2000. Matt writes: Sixty worlds a minute
17 July 2000. Matt writes: You, Me, and Face-space

 
Let meeeeeee entertain you

We are all Upsideclown: Dan, George, James, Jamie, Matt, Neil, Victor.

Material is (c) respective authors. For everything else, there's it@upsideclown.com.

 
Never come here again

And weeeeeee can entertain you by email too. Get fresh steaming Upsideclown in your inbox Mondays and Thursdays, and you'll never need to visit this website again. To subscribe, send the word subscribe in the body of your mail to upsideclown-request@historicalfact.com. (To unsubscribe, send the word unsubscribe instead.)

...

... On this page: ... Archive ... About ... Subscribe ... ... Upsideclone