Board to Death

10 May 2001
Victor, have you been to any meetings recently?

DOMAIN OF HELL
Joint Consultative Committee

The first meeting of the Committee for 2001 was held on Thursday 10th May 2001 in the Old Branding Room, Antichrist's Lodgings.

Present: Satan, Mr A. Hitler, Mr V. Dracul, Diana, Princess of Wales

Apologies were received from Dr V. Frankenstein, who was attending the AGM of the Creative Circle being held simultaneously.

DRAFT MINUTES

1. Minutes of meeting of 31st October 2000. Approved.

2. Matters arising from the minutes.

Item 1. Satan asked whether there had been problems with maintenance of the Torture Chamber since the transfer of responsibility for the room. There had been none of significance, but it was pointed out that the room was sometimes locked by accident and it was then difficult to gain access to the equipment. Satan said that all Officers of Tartarus, and the Secretary, knew the combination for unlocking the door, and he undertook to ensure that they were reminded of it on the rare occasions when the door was not open.

Item 2. Satan thanked the members of the Committee and, through them, all inhabitants of Hades, for their contribution to securing the Domain a maximum rating in the recent Quality Review. He circulated the Review Team's immediate feedback on the Domain's strengths and weaknesses; notable amongst the latter were concerns about negative publicity. Mr Hitler suggested a taskforce led by his friend Dr Goebbels to investigate cost-effective means of improving the Domain's image in order to boost recruitment. This in turn raised the question of how Dr Goebbels' transfer from Heaven might be achieved: a possible exchange with The Princess was suggested but rejected on grounds of implausibility.

Item 3. Satan reported, on information supplied by Dr Frankenstein, that the basement of the Library had been refurbished over the Christmas break, though the problems with the under floor heating had yet to be solved; that certain acts of vandalism had been committed, particularly against Christian volumes; that a think tank was in the process of being established to combat the theft of chocolate bars from the machine in the coffee shop.

3. Election of representative to the Inter-Domain Consultative Board. Satan reported that he had ascertained that no such election was required, since the Inter-Domain Board no longer performed any significant functions; it had been effectively replaced by the Joint Board of the Celestial, Terrestrial, Oceanic and Subterranean Spheres, which met quarterly and whose members were elected by the unions of the respective Domains. He pointed out, however, that the unions had found it difficult to recruit candidates, and invited anyone wishing to be nominated to let him know so that their name could be forwarded to the appropriate quarter.

4. Use of, and access to, workspace in the Domain. It appeared that keys to the Domain Officer's workstations were about to be ordered; Satan undertook to do all he could to hurry the process on, and to ensure that keys were distributed as rapidly as possible once they arrived. All members of the committee resolved to monitor the situation.

With regard to the allocation of space in the Domain, Mr Dracul reported that he had received several complaints from the Impaler's Union about having to share their workshop with the Ministry for Freaks, in particular that the cripples were putting the impaling artists off their delicate and demanding task. Satan agreed to consult with the Planning Committee about a redistribution of floor space within the next twelve months. Mr Dracul pointed out that he knew of at least one castle in Eastern Europe that could be made available for impaling. The Committee resolved to look further into the possibility of taking its operations above ground. The Princess reminded the Chair of what had happened at Waco the last time.

5. Date of next meeting. Wednesday 31st October 2001.

The meeting ended at approximately 1.50 pm.